There's No Crying in Yoga!

I have mouse hand, or mouse pad hand. It's wretched, gnarled, and horrible. It is a mangled claw that sits atop my keyboard trying to please me by hitting the right key.

My right leg is also contracting. It had been doing this slowly for a long period of time, now it jolts me into submission quickly. The whole of the right side of my body is turning into a gnarled, frightening, slip step, mess.

Children on the street call me thump drag, as the right side of me only listlessly follows behind, screaming silently don't look at me....

...and I must go to yoga today.

Of course, none of the above is actually true; it is what one with an active imagination tells you is happening when she has a knot in the inner core of her hip that tickles too much when the nice lady at physio tries to massage it.

The center of my body is, I think finally, saying.... enough; and, it is quickly spreading the word to the rest of my body. It's time.

Isn't it just a little bit funny that many years after some heart breaking sexual abuse, the core of my physical issue is now resonating from the same area that I envisioned as a black urn full of maggots (my uterus) most of my life? Isn't it also just a little funny that when the mystical yoga lady says "we are going to open our hips now" that I know I've never done this before, that I know that I have closed those mother fuckers up real good like for a crazy amount of time.

Intuitively, I know.

I know that I am a strong, healthy girl that needn't be gnarled. There is only one physical reason that I should be this way, and it is the weight of the armour I have built into my muscles, my iron clad uterus. I strong minded my way out of every piece of that nightmare, I used logic and the power of now... so to speak, to heal my life today.

But, I have never undressed the core of my strength from the armour I created in that process.

I had always thought that this opening, this undressing, would occur when I gave birth, but oddly enough... I had two Cesarean sections. Go figure.

And so it is between me, yoga, and a little Tom Hanks to crack open and free my hips, give the right side of my body a break from carrying all this shit. I gotta make sure I hit the relay man... there is no crying; only pleasent discomfort.

All in a days work for a supergirl.

mantra: I am

A student and a teacher

My man.

Sigh...

What? you say. Is it a good sigh, or not?

It's a good one.

He had his appointment with the counsellor. I can't wait to meet this guy. He really doesn't seem to speak 'C's language and they are really having some semantics issues- or, at least 'C' is.

From what I have heard of this fella, I don't think I will jive with him, linguistically anyways, either. However, I will understand why and what he is saying, much to my other's frustration I am sure.

'C' has issue with The Four Agreement's approach, examples, and overall ambiance. Apparently, the book said that you shouldn't be with someone that you don't love completely. If you don't like them in anyway you shouldn't be with them.

"Well how does that work?" he asks, "there are things about you that I don't like," he says to me (what? how can that be?). "So, I guess, I shouldn't be with you. This book's stupid."

Then, he goes to the psychologist and says as much. They discuss his dislike of the book in general. The pysch says, "read it until you don't hate it."

Hmm. Interesting. I may not like this guy (already, and I haven't actually met him), but I think I like that answer. I think he has a very interesting and challenging point. I may not love the book, but I don't vehemently dislike it. This book rubs 'C' such the wrong way, it's almost comical.

Of course he should read the book until he doesn't hate it, or be so annoyed by it. That's a big part of his growth stunt. He is so staunch in his own head- it's barricaded by unrelenting... staunchness (where's a thesaurus when you need one?).

The fun doesn't stop there. They also discussed, or came to the conclusion that the reason he has a hard time forming friendships or getting to know other people is because he hasn't gotten to know himself. Same goes for intimacy. He was advised to go home and ask his wife for some pointers on how to learn to love himself.

YEAH BABY!!!!! YOU GOT IT! THAT'S THE ONE. DOC...YOU ROCK!

small disclaimer: Apparently, he's not to ask me based on my brilliance, but on the fact that I am the only one who does, actually, know him intimately. Lucky him, I just happen to be brilliant too.

Yoga. That's my answer- for starters. I think he should do Yoga. That'll learn him some self love.

Mantra: Yoga=self love